A mark of success is self-reflection - accepting what cannot be controled

 

"I could have been a contender." A great line from Marlon Brando. Personally, I like the use of the line in "Men in Tights".

I could have, I wanted to, I should have. 

I had a plan, and if you know me, that is little to no surprise. I had almost a year and a half of once-a-week blog post topics mapped out complete with a few series on various topics; such as the "closet cleanout series" I was going to start this week. 

Yet here I am, on the day I usually reserve - because I've been doing this now for 4 weeks running and habits are good - for editing and polishing my posts; randomly typing out a brain dump. 

You lucky duck.

So what happened? Life. That wonky little thing that keeps us going and keeps the whole world spinning and is actually the point (in a broad sense) of this endeavor of mine. 

Saturday, April 24: Research and prep for a post; Had a birthday party

Sunday, April 25: Write a draft of a post, draft social media; nursed coffee and drank water (thank you wine)

Monday, April 26: Edit and finalize media for posts; Randomly brain dump this post

Tuesday, April 27: Schedule posts; edit my brain dump

Wednesday, April 28: Day off, you deserve it; finally, check off what you are sending into the universe

Thursday, April 29: New Post Day!; Tromp about NYC with mother.

Additionally, I've been researching what I want to do with this little endeavor. So I did the business end of things; created a dedicated email account, a Pinterest account, researched blogging tips and advice - most importantly the "if you want to make this a thing, you should do these things". That got in the way of actually posting and drafting the "closet cleanout" series.  

So instead of thinking about what I could have, what I wanted to, what I should have done, let's focus on what I did accomplish. I celebrated my birthday. I enjoyed time with friends in the present. I put time and effort into what I hope to become a blog worth reading and returning to. I'm planning a trip to NYC. I didn't do what I planned on doing, and I'm finally becoming okay with that.  

Can we talk about the cupcakes now?

 

So the birthday party. You saw the invitations and the recipe for the cupcakes - The Baker's Almanac's Earl Grey Cupcakes with Lavender buttercream are freaking amazing! I had a wonderful evening with friends and I'm so glad that with everything going on in the world I could have a sense of normalcy in the midst of it all. And true to form, I only took this picture of the cupcakes - not the decorations or the food or even myself in my party dress. 

In the event, we needed a summary: reevaluate. For someone who is constantly planning ahead and trying to organize the future human condition (you can't by the way), I'm amazed by how frustrated I get with myself when things don't go according to my carefully constructed plan. 

This isn't high school or college. I'm not working under a deadline that impacts my GPA. I'm writing a blog for my personal reflection. At times it feels diminished and unessential, it's just a blog. Other times, I feel swept up in the need to have "the best" blog or be "on the road to monetization" (that would be cool but I'm not holding my breath on that one) and commit to the future of your blog every day or it will fail (those are my least favorite types of people btw, the "if you can't dedicate 200% of your effort 400% of the time why are you bothering" people).

While earning my Masters in Early Childhood Education; one of the biggest takeaways I had was that teachers need to reflect and reevaluate the lesson - what worked, what didn't work, what will you do differently next time. Blogging and my subsequent dedication is no different. I have to reflect and reevaluate what my goals are. 

So I didn't hit my personal deadline about closet cleaning; heck I still have two bags of clothes to be donated and a box of recycling that needs to get out of my apartment (and has been sitting for about two weeks now and will sit for another week and a bit). It's probably for the best that I didn't, I'm still working on the structure of the closet cleaning series and I'm genuinely glad I spent the past several days researching shared hosting and various host sites - and when I figure out what that all ultimately means I may even share the end results, hopefully resulting in a relaunch of the blog. 

There it is folks, the post that I was hoping to not write because it has no "proper" home in my thoughtfully crafted plan of labels and topics and I'm actually feeling my anxiety rise over the debate of what label to use or if I create a new one altogether. So while I anguish over that, here is Brittany the Gnome.